Siler City, NC – – On Wednesday evening the “Walk for Peace” monks stopped for the day at Jordan-Matthews High School. This was an opportunity for one of the monks to speak to the crowd gathered at the football here. Below is a summary of the lessons he hoped to teach.
We fight a battle every day, but the enemy isn’t external. It’s the relentless hum of our own minds—the constant wandering to past regrets and future anxieties, the endless scroll of digital distractions, and the crushing pressure to always be doing more. In this unwinnable war for a quiet mind, we often feel like we’re losing ground.
But what if the pursuit of peace wasn’t an epic battle at all? What if it was simply a series of small, counter-intuitive shifts in perspective? In a recent talk, a monk shared a path to peace that doesn’t require struggle, but instead invites awareness and acceptance. This post shares the four most surprising and impactful lessons from that talk—practical wisdom that can be applied to your life, starting right now.
1. To Connect With Your Kids, Stop Trying to Fix Them
As parents, our deepest instinct is to protect and guide. We want the best for our children, so we try to fix their mistakes and teach them the “right” way. But the monk pointed out a painful paradox: the more we try to “fix” or “change” them, the more we inadvertently build a “war” between us, pushing them further away.
His surprising solution was to shift our role entirely: stop trying to teach and start sharing. By approaching a child as a friend, we transform the dynamic from a top-down lecture into a shared conversation. This shift is the key to getting them to listen, and more profoundly, it creates the safety for the ultimate connection. The monk explained that when children see you as a friend, “whenever obstacle when they run into trouble they will come back to you and lean on your shoulder and cry and ask for help… that is when your chance come to teach them.”
“Unless you make friend with them you see them as your friends not mother not the father but a friend A friends means the different way of talk, different way of teaching, sharing… and that is when they listen.”
In a world of high-pressure, achievement-oriented parenting, this advice is a radical act of trust. It asks us to let go of micromanagement and have faith that building a foundation of friendship is the most effective way to stay connected, especially when our kids are more influenced by peers and technology than ever before.
2. The Enemy of Peace Isn’t Chaos—It’s Multitasking
The monk observed that in our modern world, a distracted, wandering mind has become the “normal” condition. Very few people, he noted, can truly focus. He then offered a memorable metaphor for the primary source of this distraction: our smartphones.
“And now that we all all have our lovers along with us every single second, you know who is your lover is your cellphone…”
His solution is profoundly simple yet radically counter-cultural: stop multitasking. He framed this not as a mere productivity hack, but as the fundamental practice for purifying the mind. Without concentration on a single task, he explained, there can be no real peace.
This advice directly challenges the modern glorification of being busy. We multitask because we treat busyness as a proxy for importance and self-worth. To single-task is therefore an act of rebellion against the “cult of productivity.” It’s a way to reclaim our presence and discover that true effectiveness and inner calm are found not in doing more, but in giving our full attention to one thing at a time. This practice of single-pointed concentration is the very tool we need for the next lesson: dealing with the internal chaos of our own minds.
3. Don’t Fight Your Anxious Thoughts. Just Look at Them.
When we try to find a moment of quiet, the mind inevitably rebels. Thoughts of the past and worries about the future “pop up” and disrupt our focus. But the monk’s wisdom extends beyond just anxious thoughts—it applies to every distraction, internal and external. The itch on your nose, the sound of a distant siren, a sudden memory—our common reaction is to fight these intrusions and scold ourselves for getting distracted.
The monk’s instruction is to do the exact opposite. The goal is not to create a blank, empty mind. The practice is to simply add awareness to your breath, and when any thought, sound, or physical sensation appears, you acknowledge it without judgment. You observe it for a moment, and then gently guide your attention back to your breathing.
“When that thought pop up, instead of trying to eliminate or push it away, just acknowledge it, observe that thought and then come back to this breathing.”
He warned that this requires immense patience because “we will fail over and over.” This insight is liberating. It reframes “failure” as a completely normal and expected part of the process. Each time you notice your mind has wandered and you gently bring it back, you are succeeding.
4. Learn to Shed Your Leaves Like a Tree
To illustrate the art of letting go, the monk shared a powerful analogy from nature. In the autumn, trees shed their leaves. They don’t do this because they are weak; they do it as a brilliant survival strategy to conserve energy through the winter, preparing for new growth in the spring.
He explained that humans, however, often do the opposite. We spend our lives collecting and holding onto our mental “trash”—bad habits, unhappy memories, stress, and anxiety. We cling to these dead leaves until we are completely overwhelmed by their weight.
“We have collected all kind of trash in our mind. Bad habit, unhappy thing, undesirable, all those things happening in our life that we suffered. We collected it so many and we recorded in here and we didn’t know how to let it go. We don’t know how to shut it off just like those trees.”
This metaphor recasts “letting go” not as a passive act of giving up, but as an active, wise process of conserving our vital energy. In a world facing an epidemic of burnout, this lesson becomes a crucial survival strategy. It teaches us to release what no longer serves us in order to preserve our strength for what truly matters—for the new growth that awaits.
Peace is a Practice, Not a Destination
The war for a quiet mind ends the moment you stop fighting. As the monk’s lessons reveal, peace is not a distant state you arrive at, but the result of small, conscious actions. It’s found in the choice to single-task, the gentle observation of a thought, and the courage to let go of control—both in our own minds and in our relationships. Becoming a friend to our children and a non-judgmental observer of our thoughts are both practices in releasing the need to fix everything. Single-tasking is the foundation that makes this awareness possible.
He offered a simple starting point: each morning, write down the statement, “Today is going to be my peaceful day,” and live with that intention. But he also added a note of urgency. Many of us say we will do it “later,” but, as he warned, “that later that moment never comes.”
Don’t wait. Peace is a daily practice, and the work begins now. Looking at the “leaves” you’ve been carrying, what is just one you can choose to let go of today?